Like The Batcave, But With Less Car And More Nerd

professorfangirl:

ultimateventist:

charlesoberonn:

If something is ‘old as fuck’ then it’s about 1.2 billion years old because that’s when life evolved sexual reproduction.

 

However, if something is “old as balls” it’s only about 65 million years old, when placental mammals began to evolve proper testicles.

amuseoffyre:

  • Iron Man - the moral flaws in building weapons of mass destruction and the lack of accountability given to the people who provide those weapons to war zones.
  • Captain America - the dangers of pushing science too far, zealotry and - again - weapons of mass destruction being used…

thecaptainandthesergeant:

Watch the video first. It’s worth pausing your music or finding your headphones for. Trust me.
Prompted by (x)

It is not Bucky’s first mission with the Avengers, but it is his first with just some of them. Thor is dealing with some kind of bildschnipe invasion in Asgard, Natasha is off guarding someone important, and Sam is at a family reunion. Which leaves Bucky with Clint, Tony, and Steve for their operation in the office building that they are pretty sure is a front for a remaining branch of Hydra. What Clint and Tony don’t know, but Bucky is all too aware of, is that Steve should never, ever be trusted with undercover work.

There is a safe that supposedly contains a flash drive with a list of all remaining Hydra facilities, and this is their target. Bucky is stationed in the building across the street, providing sniper cover of the room that houses the safe. Tony is in charge of getting to the security office and making sure that they don’t set off any alarms. Clint is tasked with exploring the building via the air ducts to see if there is any other valuable information to be found there.

Steve goes in dressed like a lazy office worker, and does his best to sneak into the building and up to the room without detection. Since Steve is about as good an actor as Arnold Schwarzenegger and twice as recognizable, this plan goes south fairly quickly. Steve makes it into the room fine, but before he even has a chance to open the safe, three armed Hydra agents storm into the room. Steve whirls around to face them while Bucky tenses, finger on the trigger of his sniper rifle.

Bucky mutters a curse. He could take one or two of the agents down, but he doesn’t have a clear shot of the middle one, and there’s no way he can get all of them before they get Steve.

“Wow, this got serious,” Steve remarks, hands in the air. He turns back to look through the window, and Bucky can see the calculating and mischievous look in his eye. Bucky learned to fear that look a long time ago.

“Steve, no.”

Steve completely ignores Bucky’s warning, and turns back to the Hydra agents. He shrugs his shoulders a little bit, getting into character.

“Steve, you promised me last time that you wouldn’t do it again. Don’t do it, Steve.”

Steve raises his arms, and his hands are shaped into finger guns.

“I’m warning you,” he says, his voice coming out deeper than usual.

“Goddammit, Steve.”

“I am a lethal killing machine,” Steve plows on. “It was a secret government experiment. They did weird stuff to me. Spooky stuff…anal stuff.”

Clint comes to a dead stop in the middle of his air duct.

“What the fuck is he doing?”

“Something amazing,” says Tony, who is watching the live security camera feed of the scene. “Something truly, truly amazing.”

“He’s doing something idiotic,” Bucky snaps. “Now shut up so I can focus.”

“Turned me into a dangerous telekinetic,” Steve continues. There is a clink of metal as Bucky does a facepalm. “As the ancient Tibetan philosophy states: don’t start none, don’t be none.”

“Who is he and what has he done with Steve Rogers?” Clint demands in a whisper.

“Barton, this is the Steve Rogers that I had to look after during the war,” Bucky hisses back. “It’s a miracle I never got an ulcer.”

“I think the Captain America chapter of my history book was missing a few pages,” drawls one of the Hydra agents.

“I can’t believe we were missing out on this for three years,” Tony says, watching gleefully as Steve just smirks at the agent, his finger-guns still locked and loaded. “JARVIS, I believe you know what to do.”

“Sir, are you sure that’s appropriate?”

“Oh yeah. Set it up.”

“Telekinetic your way out of this,” the Hydra agent says, stepping forward with a pair of the heavy-duty cuffs that they designed for Steve but tested on the Winter Soldier.

The sight of them makes Steve’s eyes go hard, but his grin stays firmly in place. He pulls his finger-trigger with a ‘PEW!’ noise that most people don’t make after they’ve graduated from the fifth grade, and the agent goes down in a spray of crimson as Bucky makes a perfect shot. The speaker system starts blaring Don’t Stop Believing, and a second agent goes down with a pop from Steve’s imaginary gun and a bullet from Bucky’s real one.

The third agent is still standing, looking equal parts incredulous and terrified. Steve turns both finger guns on him, and the agent just shakes his head, holding up his very real gun in surrender.

“Face down,” Steve orders in what he probably thinks is an intimidating voice. “Or I’ll make your heart stop beating with my mind.”

The guy hits the deck, and Tony loses it, doubling over and laughing so hard that he has to open the faceplate of his suit to get enough air.

“If I don’t get a video of this, Stark, I will unscrew every single bolt on all of your robots,” Clint warns.

“Please,” Tony scoffs. “What do you think everyone is getting for Christmas?”

“If you two don’t stop encouraging him, I will shoot you both,” Bucky growls.

“The music is a nice touch,” Clint adds, ignoring Bucky.

“Thank you.”

Steve turns to the window and gives Bucky a shit-eating grin and a thumbs-up. Bucky gives him a metal one-fingered salute.

turning-back-into-soil:

Emotional support bunnies

majoras-windwaker:

So I cut it with a flat one instead.

majoras-windwaker:

So I cut it with a flat one instead.

canadian-carbine:

Words to live by.

canadian-carbine:

Words to live by.

The air outside, on top of being an inappropriately timed winter wonderland, smells distinctly of fart.

What the fuck, Calgary?

nearlybecamehistoric:

deusexignis:

iridium-flames:

vixsubridens:

asheathes:

WIZARDING SCHOOLS AROUND THE WORLD: CHINA

Located in deep in the Guilin mountains, shrouded in mist and frequented by dragons that live in the multitude of winding rivers, the students of the Chinese Institute of Magic don their colourful wizarding garbs every September 1st for their return to school whereupon they are treated to spectacular opening festivities involving, but not limited to: choreographed martial arts performances from their combat professors, an assortment of acrobatic wonders, and “Mystery Mooncakes” specially made for the mid-autumn festival.

#BUT WAIT #HOUSES BASED ON THE ORIGINAL FOUR #THE TIGER THE DRAGON THE PHOENIX THE TORTOISE

#just imagine how powerful their magic is though #they’ve been developing it for almost 2000 years longer than western magic imagine how refined and beautiful

#harry potter being eurocentric was such a fuckin’ waste

#my favourite thing is how those of us who have grow up with harry potter are now saying “no that’s not enough” and are expanding the universe #like we’re all critically looking at the books and realizing everything that’s wrong with them and fixing it ourselves #and idk i think that’s amazing

nikolaecuza:

danosaurs-and-philions:

im a bad person who thinks bad thoughts like ‘ew what is that girl wearing’ and then remember that im supposed to be positive about all things and then think ‘no she can wear what she wants, fuck what other people say damn girl u look fabulous’ and im just a teeny bit hypocritical tbh

I was always taught by my mother, That the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.

iwillincendiotheheartoutofyou:

I really love villains

not in a ‘poor baby is so misunderstood’ way

in a ‘your amorality is so fascinating and delicious’ way

nugqets:

me and my friends on halloween

image


Sometimes Thor gives Bucky’s arm a small charge so he can sneak up and zap people. Except Natasha- that shit ain’t worth it.

Sometimes Thor gives Bucky’s arm a small charge so he can sneak up and zap people. Except Natasha- that shit ain’t worth it.